October 2011
2 posts
Do you remember when we used to plead with the kingdom of the sun? We’d run along the shoreline, the tide crashing swimming up around our ankles and stinging the cuts on the backs of our feet from shoes that never fit… the ocean was an ominous puddle reflecting the grey sky then and we thought we could keep the sun burning for us forever, even though we never could convince it to stay awake....
I’m tired of reading notes about love, and how you triumphed over the way memories of me clung to you- “for all this time.”
But when I was dying and no one was looking for me I felt horribly unromantic. Why should I give anyone anything else different?
September 2011
4 posts
“So is this what it takes to separate the craving from the purpose, measured by success and not the motives of the heart?”
The greater the love, the greater the loss.
Here I am.
Here I am at zero.
Here I am.
Here I am with less than nothing.
They say, “let’s be friends” as though we haven’t considered the option in one of ten thousand scenarios played out during the countless hours of sleep we’re not getting.
They say it so easily, with no more effort than it would take someone to blink. Of course they want to be friends, keep us at arm’s length and enjoy the benefits of our charms without taking...
“Whatever doesn’t kill you is gonna leave a scar.”
July 2011
1 post
The world has slowed down. Clouds, the rain, fresh new stems of dandelions- slowed down to watch us stay still.
June 2011
4 posts
I could’ve whispered, “come closer” into the distance between your shoulder blades to see you hesitate to hold my face. The night you grasped me by the heart and dangled me over something deeper than a sea, I dropped into the abstract spaces of your want, falling through cracks failing to stain your eyes, lips, the quaking core within your chest… every tumble made in...
So they say, ‘There are other fish in the sea,’ but the only one that’s missing is the one that swims for me.
Resting on my chest you’d hear the rumble of ten thousand anxieties.
Every fight was a lesson learned.
May 2011
4 posts
I’d heard news of tornadoes touching down and wondered if you’d hopped on your broom to away before a house fell on you.
I wonder if the Wicked Witch of the West is still alive.
All this dragging me around, you don’t even care that you’re putting holes in my clothes.
I’ve been wondering if there’s a point to anything.
They break me open and scrape me out. Spread me thin until I’m translucent, devouring my flesh one small bite at a time. Complain it makes them sick but never question why I was rotten in the first place- you made me this way.
You look to the roadside and see abandoned cars piled up, wrecked like a soda can massacre, and wonder what happened to cause such a scene, hoping you don’t end up the same; disappeared with a broken car as a tombstone. You imagine it, or what it would be like. You think as the prior owners of those cars thought, whispering reassurance to yourself that it requires extreme circumstances- it...
March 2011
4 posts
You want to feel sorry for yourself over what isn’t there but fail to realize why it isn’t. Even though you claim to press yourself over these thoughts, you’ve faltered in the face of redemption by showing me nothing’s changed.
We hope and romanticize about the possibility of our paths crossing but some nights I wonder if they ever will.
How long was I supposed to let you...
Then we ran down the river Van To the mouth of old Fenrir And he swallowed us up. I collected rocks, filled up my pockets and tried to swim across the stream. I was told I’d be kept afloat By the ghosts of the hills I’d flattened to get here. Trusted a fiend and lost my hand. My blood flowed white and filled the canyon, And I saw faces in the leaves And they were preaching to me.
I Bet, I Bet
dearoldlove:
I know you’re with someone else, but I bet you still think of me.
King I shall die, and kneel only to my desires.
February 2011
3 posts
Underestimate me, I encourage everyone to deceive me at least once. Just to see that I’ll always come out on top- I can pick the shard of truth from a thousand tempting lies.
So work for the world, because that world works for me. You’ll get exactly what you deserve: the lowest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers.
She apologized for never having been like me and said she hoped those parts of her changed. Then she packed her things and left like it didn’t matter.
I wish words spoke louder than actions. If they...
January 2011
4 posts
I'm more than my pain.
I find everything I want in someone, and she finds the same in me.
We speak soft in secret smiles and stares. Experience tells me to stay guarded, but I don’t. She pours her heart out daily and I cup my hands to catch the spill and rub her love in. I break apart, heal over her words, fortify my skin with the permanence of their sweetness. This world ceases to exist while I plant stars over...
How does it profit mankind to gain the world at...
December 2010
2 posts
I’ve overdosed on sound waves laced with your favorite band, but I’m no wiser than yesterday.
Last week is writing sleeplessness into my nights. So much time, I started analyzing fluorescent ice drip down the crossbucked steel of phone towers. Electric memory planted in the air and I recall how I stood at the edge of the continent listening to you justify an end through a piece of plastic.
You....
“Runs In The Family” - Amanda Palmer
November 2010
2 posts
Another phantom with innocence plastered on my back and stolen.
Such an unexceptional story reeking of a million grieving families, wondering why their children never loved or played with fire, but chose to be burned with it. How strange we should blur our lines in attempts to distinguish ourselves only to become kaleidoscopes of alcohol and echoes, news segments with dead bodies for...
I was afraid of being forgotten.
A cast fishing line at night, thin thread across a deepening ocean.
October 2010
1 post
I scribbled until I thought my skin would rub off into the paper. I scribbled in notebooks and on the desk, carved in ink black rings to ease the burden of the thoughts in my brain. But when I moved my hand away I found only more willingness to expose the words I didn’t want to say in every imperfectly formed circle.
June 2010
3 posts
“With a palm full of stars
I throw them like dice on the table
Repeatedly,...”
– Bjork
A no one, neither wanted nor needed. Some stupid fume doomed to almost-far-enough’s and incomplete sentences. Indecent and ferocious, mad and crazed and love-drunk; I’m trapped in four corners with desires too big, too possessive- I pick their bones out one by one to ensure they own no more misdoing. Circle my eyes and ex my thoughts, because I can’t sleep without the presence...
May 2010
1 post
“Obscurity has no heroes.”
April 2010
1 post
Sometimes I can’t do anything but feel defeated…
March 2010
6 posts
Il n’y a pas d’amour heureux.
sometimes the best thought is no thought at all.
“All art is exorcism. I paint dreams and visions too; the dreams and visions of...”
– Otto Dix (via lastdreamofjesus) (via godforsaken)
Today is the very bottom of the barrel being scraped with the expectation that it will offer more than what it has. It’s the break in the chain when the rusted link finally crumbles.
February 2010
1 post
Blah blah blah, my life is the same song looped; the only time it changes is to get stuck on a different verse.
January 2010
7 posts
“The emptiness of man though it resembles fullness, and seems all of a piece,...”
– Joao Cabral De Melo Neto
I think that whole actions speak louder than words thing is just a bunch of recycled bullshit perpetuated by those who don’t grasp the concept of reality.
The collapse between every moment of realization is fucking legendary.
I don’t believe there will ever be a time when I sleep like a normal person and wake up positive; it takes hours of convincing to maintain any semblance of optimism. I’m going through these motions towards creating a socially acceptable version of myself, taking lessons in composing, and keeping feelings and...
“The Ludovician fish is a predator, a shark. It feeds on human memories and the...”
– The Raw Shark Texts
Keep holding out, holding on, hoping this is not the culmination of the most important thing you’ve ever held.
Keep dissecting yourself to stop the epic drag of white noise cast off from reels your brain replays of plans and desires not yet fully realized.